Importance of Foundation in Marriage

Foundation is a hidden part of a building. It determines the strength and durability of the building. If the foundation is strong, the structure on it will be strong and stable. As no building can stand without a foundation, no marriage can stand without a foundation. As a building with a weak foundation is bound to collapse, a marriage with weak foundation cannot withstand the storms that rise against it. As the occupants of a collapsed building could lose their lives, husband and wife and their children may sustain great losses if their marriage collapses.

The areas you need to check in the foundation of your marriage are:

1.      How did you meet your spouse? If you met your spouse when the issue of marriage was not in your mind, you might not look for the qualities you desire in your future spouse. If you meet your spouse when you are under pressure to marry, you might not mind whoever that comes your way.

2.      What brought you together? If you and your spouse came together out of sentiment or for the purpose of having funs or because of certain attainments, your marriage may not last.

3.      What generated your marriage love? Any marriage love that is generated by unstable mundane things can never last. Such mundane things include: money, beauty, attainments, property, lucrative employment etc.

4.      What are your reasons for marriage? If you married because you wanted children, or because you needed someone who could cook for you or you wanted somebody who could satisfy your financial needs/sexual urge, you may be frustrated when your demand is not met.

5.      What were your predominant activities during courtship? If you have not sought for development of good virtues in your spouse during courtship, you may find it difficult to operate together successfully now you have come together as husband and wife. Courtship is a period to prune the rough edges of each other. If you could not do this because of ‘blind love’, it will be difficult to synchronise during marriage. This will cause a lot of upsets.

6.      What did you give up for your marriage? If you have not given up anything for your marriage, you cannot value your marriage. The value you place on your marriage is determined by the value of what you sacrifice for it. When you do not place much value on your marriage, you may not be committed enough to keep the marriage moving particularly when there is distress.

7.      What was the common goal you set with your spouse before entering into marriage? The goal you set with your spouse before you entered into marriage determines the path of your marriage. A solid and workable goal motivates couples to attain success. If you did not set any goal with your spouse before entering into marriage, you may end up living a purposeless and unfulfilled marital life.

8.      Did you acquire proper knowledge about marriage before you entered into it? As no man can succeed in a profession he is not trained for, whoever does not acquire a proper knowledge on marriage before he enters into it will hardly succeed. You need to acquire knowledge on marriage continuously in your life-time before you can have a successful marriage.

9.      How much did you know about your spouse before you agreed to marry him/her? The primary purpose of courtship is to know your partner so as to determine if he/she is suitable for you as husband or wife. If you entered into marriage before you study the person you married, you have already bargained for failure.

10. Is there any secret about your past life that you hide from your spouse? The unrevealed secrets about your life may cause tension, misunderstanding and conflict in your marriage when the secrets are later discovered by your spouse. This may blow up your marriage. Besides, if any of these secrets is already causing a setback in your marriage, you will be feeling guilty. This will work against your cordial relationship with your spouse.

11. Did you marry your spouse as he/she is? If you married your spouse because of speculative things, you may be frustrated when your dream is not realised.

 

In case your marriage is being affected by any of the above problems, there is still hope if you and your spouse are ready to face the problems squarely, concede to each other and pray fervently. Don’t be afraid to uproot whatever foundational issue that is troubling your marriage and establish the right foundation. It is never late.