Originally, God designed marriage as a crisis-free institution. The marriage of Adam and Eve was crisis-free before their fall. But they were sent out of Eden as soon as they disobeyed God. In the light of this, they could not enjoy God’s provisions again, they were to toil before they could eat, they toiled on the cursed soil, they too were cursed and the glory, the Spirit of God departed from them and Satan and his agents had access to manipulate marriage. All the above laid a foundation for crisis in marriage. The following are responsible for marital crisis.
Lack of Basic Necessities of Life
This is a situation where certain things like money, children or any of the basic necessities of life are lacking in a family. This creates tension which may generate crisis if the couple do not manage it with love and understanding.
Solution: Since Adam and Eve were sent out of Eden, lack becomes a reality in every marriage. But lack may not lead to crisis if the couple realises that no condition is permanent. They should see their attitude to lack as a means of testing the sincerity of their love to each other. They should not allow lack to throw them apart. They should work together to provide what is lacking. As they are doing this, they must not allow their love and intimacy to be affected.
Bottled Anger
Husband and wife that interact regularly will offend each other. When the offences are not discussed and forgiven, anger will continue to pile up. Accumulation of such anger leads to serious crisis which may explode the marriage.
Solution: Husband and wife must see themselves as one. They must not keep diary of offences. They must discuss offences and resolve them as soon as they arise. They must forgive each other sincerely without reference to the offences again.
Activities of Third Parties
A third party is a thing or somebody that stands between husband and wife. In this technological age, modern inventions are formidable third parties that have scattered many marriages. The activities of third parties rob husband and wife of the necessary time, affection, intimacy and privacy. This creates communication gap between the couple. Once the communication link of the husband and wife is broken, there will be series of unresolved issues and conflicts. These can lead to serious crisis that may break the marriage.
Solution: Husband and wife must not allow third parties to influence or interfere in their relationship. They shouldn’t allow them to stand between them. They should always clarify all the accusations or allegations against their spouse by third parties. They must not reveal their problems or weaknesses of each other to third parties even their relations. When there are unresolved conflicts or misunderstanding, they should consult marriage counsellor instead of friends or relations.
Frustration
Every man or woman enters into marriage with a lot of expectations. Most people enter into marriage with the hope of solving their problems. Every couple wants their marriage to be haven on earth. The reality is that no one can have all his or her expectations in marriage met. Inability to accept this reality and adjust accordingly has caused crises in many marriages. Those who could not manage these crises have been thrown apart.
Solution: This is one of the complex issues in marital relationship. The frustrated party always believes that he or she was deceived into the marriage. This hardens his or her heart and it will be difficult for him or her to develop the love that can sustain their marriage. The fact that we should all admit is that marriage is like life itself. No man can realise all his life expectations. With this understanding and love, husbands and wives can bear their frustration. In fact, they must always look at the virtues of each other. This will play down the tension that may result from frustration and with time situation may change or the frustration may fade away.
Failure of a Party to Discharge his/her Duties:
Husband and wife have some responsibilities to discharge in the family. When one party fails to discharge his or her own responsibilities, it tasks the other party to bear more burden than necessary. If this persists for a long time without any hope of relief, there may be tension which could lead to a terrible crisis in the family.
Solution: The reasons for failure to discharge one’s responsibilities must first be ascertained. These reasons must be discussed with the hope of finding solution to them. If the solution is not readily feasible, the other party should continue to discharge his or her responsibilities pending the time that the situation will improve.
Poor Management of Differences
Husband and wife may have differences in some areas like religion, habit, attitude to money, taste, issues relating to children etc. These differences may not cause any problem if the couple can manage them with wisdom and understanding. When husband and wife cannot manage their differences wisely, major crisis may arise that can ruin their marriage.
Solution: In actual sense, differences do not come up one day. Some of these differences existed before the marriage. Ideally, differences are supposed to be sorted out during courtship. However, some people are beclouded with ‘hot love’ during the courtship and they could not see the differences. On the other hand, some people postpone resolution of their differences till after the wedding. The best way to handle differences is meaningful and loving communication and concession. However, couples should learn how to live together in harmony and peace in spite of their differences. Genuine love makes differences bearable for couples.
