The great misconception of most
people entering into marriage is that their spouses are angels. Hence, they
don't expect any mistake from them. But nobody is perfect. We are bound to make
mistakes as long as we’re still living. What makes a marriage to succeed is the
proper attitude that the husband and wife have towards each other’s mistakes.
When husband and wife tolerate each other’s mistakes in love, it makes
correction easy and the marriage will grow steadily.
You need to examine the way you have
been handling your spouse's mistakes so that you can fix the cause of recurring
tension in your marriage. The following questions will help in this regard.
1. Are you
provoked by your spouse’s mistakes?
It is not too bad to be provoked by your spouse's mistakes. But it is not
healthy for your relationship to talk or act under provocation as such acts or
utterances could be destructive.
2. How long
does it take your anger to subside when your spouse provokes you? You should not allow your anger
towards your spouse's mistake last more than ten minutes. When your spouse
provokes you, take time to think over his/her good habits and how he/she has
been relating with you in love when you made mistakes in the past. This will
douse your anger.
3. When your
spouse tenders his/her apology for his/her mistakes, do you sincerely forgive
him/her? Once your spouse apologises for
his/her mistakes, you should accept the apology and forgive him/her from your
heart. Jesus advises us to forgive others four hundred and ninety (490) times. This
calls for unlimited tolerance in dealing with each other’s mistakes. Forgiveness
heals the wound of offences and thus pave way for smooth and cordial
relationship between couples. Have you been doing that?
4. Do you
always seek revenge when your spouse wrongs you? Through vengeance, your spouse too is offended and tension
between you may increase to breaking point.
The action you take may make an indelible mark on his/her body and deep
wound in his/her heart. Again, Jesus advises us to turn the left cheek to
whoever strikes us on the right cheek. This is a great sacrifice but it allows peace
to reign in your marriage. As you’re exploring this, think of a good thing you
can do that can create room for love and peace in the marriage. This will
prepare a suitable ground for loving communication and resolution of issues
that could destabilise your marriage.
5. If your
spouse’s mistake causes problems in your family, do you abandon him/her to sort
it out? Always adopt the principle of
collective responsibility in your marriage. By this, you will join hand
together to solve your marital problem no matter who may be responsible for it.
Avoid apportioning blame. Accept the fact that you too may do the same thing.
6. Assuming
you catch your spouse in extra-marital affairs or if you discover that your
spouse has a child out of wedlock, will you quit your marriage? The best policy that you need to
adopt like Apostle Paul is to always forget those things that have passed away.
Once your spouse has committed a grievous error like extra-marital affair or
having a child out of wedlock, don't allow this to break up your family. The
best thing is to think of solution and restoration. God expects you to forgive
your spouse if you want Him to forgive you of your trespasses. Besides, if your
love to your spouse is genuine, there is no sin you should not be able to
forgive him/her.
7. Do you
have the record of all your spouse’s past mistakes? It is not good to keep the records of the past mistakes of
your spouse. Anytime you read such a record you are renewing your wound and
reliving the tension you felt when the event took place. This affects your love
to your spouse. If you have such a record, kindly destroy it TODAY. Or if you
store them in your heart, take time to pray and purge yourself of them.
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