Secrets to Stealing Your Spouse’s Heart

A man cannot operate a machine in respect of which he has no knowledge. Similarly, you cannot have cordial relationship with your spouse if you do not have good knowledge of him/her. During courtship, singles should strive to acquire a reasonable knowledge of their proposed husband or wife. It is a great mistake to marry somebody you do not know very well. Nowadays, people undertake online courtship.

This is the reasons many marriages are having problems as soon as they take off. Many couples that got divorced because of irreconcilable differences could have remained together if they took time to study themselves during courtship. They could have known that they are not compatible with each other. Even now that you are married; you must take time to study your spouse and this must continue as long as both of you live. 

The areas you need to check in respect of your knowledge about your spouse are:

1.      Do you know your spouse’s DOs and DON’Ts? Knowing your spouse's dos and don’ts will help you to relate well with him/her without unnecessary friction. If you avoid your spouse’s “DON’Ts” and indulge yourself more in his/her “DOs”, you will make him/her happy and fulfilled. This is the secret to stealing the heart of your spouse. Give it a trial and you will enjoy your marriage.

2.      Do you know what can put your spouse on or off? Anytime you put your spouse off, his/her love for you reduces by certain percentage depending on the deepness of the hurt. Knowing what can put your spouse off and avoiding them will strengthen your relationship. On the other hand, knowing what can put your spouse on and doing them will make your marriage exciting, romantic and blissful.

3.      Do you know the time your spouse’s mood change? Are you observant enough to know when your spouse is having an inner crisis? Your ability to read your spouse's mood will help you to take prompt action that will bring him/her back to his/her normal mood before he/she drifts too far into more confusion. Being in a bad mood over a long time can lead to violence and at the extreme it can cause murder and/or suicide.

4.      How much do you know about your spouse’s sexual life, spiritual life and social life? Knowing your spouse's sexual life will help you to adjust to his or her level. Knowing your spouse's spiritual life will help you to support him/her in whatever spiritual assignment he/she is undertaking. Knowing your spouse's social life will help you to accommodate him/her vis-à-vis his/her social activities. It will also help you to advise him/her on the areas where change may be necessary.

5.      Do you know your spouse’s life dream? You need to know your spouse's life’s aspiration and support him/her in achieving his/her dream. No sacrifice is too much to make in support of your spouse’s vision. It always pays off when your marriage prospers and blisses beyond your imagination as he/she will be energised to be successful and fulfilled.

6.      Do you know what your spouse’s hobbies are? You should love what your spouse loves doing and allow him/her to do it. You can even share it with him/her. This will make him/her happy and comfortable.

7.      Do you know how your spouse wants you to treat his/her relations and your children? If you don't treat your children and the relations of your spouse the way he/she likes, he/she will not be happy with you. This may in turn cause hostility and aggression in the marriage.

8.      Do you know what your spouse wants you to remember him/her for? When you know what your spouse wants to be remembered for, you will be well equipped to carry out his/her vision after he/she has gone.

9.      Do you know important dates in your spouse’s life (birthday, wedding day, birthdays of children etc.)? Knowing these important dates shows that you have interest in your spouse and your family. This will excite him/her and assure him/her of your interest in him/her. This goes a long way to make the marriage peaceful.  

10. Do you know how your spouse will react to certain issues (your mistakes, your sickness, setback in the family etc.)? Knowing these will help you to do what can make your spouse to be happy always. It will also help you to know the level of commitment of your spouse to the continuity of your marriage.

11. Do you know what your spouse desires from you? If you know what your spouse desires from you, you should sacrifice everything you can to satisfy him/her in line with your marriage vow.

BEFORE YOU QUIT, THINK ON THIS!!!

Marriage is a union between a man and a woman who desire to live together for life in a happy union. Practically and in the real sense, it takes the two partners to build a happy home. But experience has shown that, one time or the other, one of the couple is not contributing his or her best to make the marriage blissful and successful. At times this oscillates between the two partners. Hence, now it is your turn to be at the receiving end you must examine your stand very carefully before you jump out of the marriage. 

You need to consider the following steps:

• What caused the present problems?
• What is your own contribution in the problems?
• What can you do to convince your spouse that you still love him or her in spite of the problem?

In a situation like this:

• You must avoid nagging.
• You should not shift blame on your spouse or your in-laws or anybody around you.
• You should not tell anybody the problem between you and your spouse except a marriage counsellor that can help you to fix the problem. You may connect me through my WhatsApp No: 08033070986
• You must think of the trauma and the devastating effect of divorce on you, your spouse and most importantly your children.
  
• You must humble yourself and beg your spouse to join hand with you in resolving the problems even if he or she is the cause of the problems.
• Above all, take your case to God in prayer and have faith that God will intervene in your affairs and restore your marriage.

My counsel to you is that whatever happen, don't quit your marriage. The problem is temporary and you will overcome it and praise God for it.

Power of Tolerance in Building a Successful Marriage

The great misconception of most people entering into marriage is that their spouses are angels. Hence, they don't expect any mistake from them. But nobody is perfect. We are bound to make mistakes as long as we’re still living. What makes a marriage to succeed is the proper attitude that the husband and wife have towards each other’s mistakes. When husband and wife tolerate each other’s mistakes in love, it makes correction easy and the marriage will grow steadily.

You need to examine the way you have been handling your spouse's mistakes so that you can fix the cause of recurring tension in your marriage. The following questions will help in this regard.

1.      Are you provoked by your spouse’s mistakes? It is not too bad to be provoked by your spouse's mistakes. But it is not healthy for your relationship to talk or act under provocation as such acts or utterances could be destructive.

2.      How long does it take your anger to subside when your spouse provokes you? You should not allow your anger towards your spouse's mistake last more than ten minutes. When your spouse provokes you, take time to think over his/her good habits and how he/she has been relating with you in love when you made mistakes in the past. This will douse your anger.

3.      When your spouse tenders his/her apology for his/her mistakes, do you sincerely forgive him/her? Once your spouse apologises for his/her mistakes, you should accept the apology and forgive him/her from your heart. Jesus advises us to forgive others four hundred and ninety (490) times. This calls for unlimited tolerance in dealing with each other’s mistakes. Forgiveness heals the wound of offences and thus pave way for smooth and cordial relationship between couples. Have you been doing that?

4.      Do you always seek revenge when your spouse wrongs you? Through vengeance, your spouse too is offended and tension between you may increase to breaking point.  The action you take may make an indelible mark on his/her body and deep wound in his/her heart. Again, Jesus advises us to turn the left cheek to whoever strikes us on the right cheek. This is a great sacrifice but it allows peace to reign in your marriage. As you’re exploring this, think of a good thing you can do that can create room for love and peace in the marriage. This will prepare a suitable ground for loving communication and resolution of issues that could destabilise your marriage.

5.      If your spouse’s mistake causes problems in your family, do you abandon him/her to sort it out? Always adopt the principle of collective responsibility in your marriage. By this, you will join hand together to solve your marital problem no matter who may be responsible for it. Avoid apportioning blame. Accept the fact that you too may do the same thing.

6.      Assuming you catch your spouse in extra-marital affairs or if you discover that your spouse has a child out of wedlock, will you quit your marriage? The best policy that you need to adopt like Apostle Paul is to always forget those things that have passed away. Once your spouse has committed a grievous error like extra-marital affair or having a child out of wedlock, don't allow this to break up your family. The best thing is to think of solution and restoration. God expects you to forgive your spouse if you want Him to forgive you of your trespasses. Besides, if your love to your spouse is genuine, there is no sin you should not be able to forgive him/her.

7.      Do you have the record of all your spouse’s past mistakes? It is not good to keep the records of the past mistakes of your spouse. Anytime you read such a record you are renewing your wound and reliving the tension you felt when the event took place. This affects your love to your spouse. If you have such a record, kindly destroy it TODAY. Or if you store them in your heart, take time to pray and purge yourself of them.

Commitment as the Hub of a Successful Marriage

It is a common knowledge that not every marriage is successful, yet every couple desires to have a successful marriage. What makes the difference is that many couples are casual in their marriage relationship while some are serious in making their marriages successful. Commitment is therefore the hub of a successful marriage. Only the couple that ignores all distractions and weathers all the storms can attain the goal of establishing a successful and blissful marriage. Such a couple sacrifice many things in the course of establishing a marriage that could be described as haven on earth.

It is instructive to note that commitment in marriage should be regular and continue for the life of the husband and wife in order to sustain the euphoria of their marriage. It is necessary to examine your commitment in your marriage regularly on the following bases.

1.      Do you place your business/work or other things above your marriage? Placing anything above your marriage reduces the time you spend at home with your family. This opens a door for third parties to meddle in the affairs of your family. Most of the times, activities of third parties are always inimical to the health of a marriage.

2.      What are you doing to make your marriage peaceful and blissful for your spouse? The best goal you can set is that you will do everything possible to make your spouse happy and enjoy your relationship. When husband and wife set this goal, their marriage will be peaceful, successful and blissful.

3.      What are your daily sacrifices for a healthy relationship with your spouse? Many things as well as some people compete together for your time and affection. You need to sacrifice all these things for you to have time to work on your marriage in order to make it successful progressively.

4.      Are you ready to give up whatever you know can destabilise your marriage? Do you perceive something that erodes the love and intimacy between you and your spouse? You should not hesitate to avoid it. Of course friends and things (even your hobby) that can cause problem in your marriage should be avoided. Remember, if your marriage fails, you’re solely responsible and you become a laughing-stock in the society.

5.      What have you invested in your marriage that will bind you with your spouse for life? When you have not invested anything in your marriage, you have nothing at stake. Successful couples invested time, money and many things in their marriages. Hence, they will not allow their marriages to fail. A marriage in which husband and wife fail to invest something can collapse anytime without a sense of loss. They will not even make any attempt for reconciliation because they never feel the any loss!  

6.      When there is a problem in your marriage, do you join hand with your spouse to resolve it promptly? There is power in unity. No matter how tough a marital problem may be, if you can join hand with your spouse and you agree that the problem would disappear, surely you will be happy at last. In case your spouse is the cause of the problem, you should avoid to say, ‘I have warned you’ and don’t shift blame. Forget about the past and think of how to solve the problem lovingly and move forward. Delaying resolution of issues as they arise always gives room for them to escalate to greater and perhaps irreconcilable problems. Please don’t procrastinate in dealing with your marital problems.

7.      Is there anything that your spouse can do and prompt you to divorce him/her? Job says, 'What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me' (Job 3:25). If you have certain things that can make you quit your marriage if your spouse do them, such things have a way of happening. So watch.

In conclusion, a successful marriage is a task that both husband and wife must commit themselves to achieve. It should be known that a bad marriage breeds bad children and distressed men and women. This causes insecurity and corruption in the society. Your marriage must succeed, don’t give up yet. Try more and you will surely enjoy your marriage.

Power of Communication in Building a Successful Marriage

Communication is the soul of marriage. A healthy and prosperous marriage is an indication that the husband and wife communicate with each other effectively and regularly. Effective communication is a powerful tool with which husband and wife can deal with the little 'foxes' that suck marriage love. When something is going wrong in your marriage, check the mode of communication between you and your spouse before you move far into the problem.

The areas you need to check if the mode of communication between you and your spouse is healthy are:

1.      Do you take time to discuss issues concerning your marriage and family? You need to discuss issues concerning your marriage exhaustively with your spouse regularly if your marriage is to move forward in the right direction.

2.      Do you always want to dominate your spouse during discussion? Your desire to dominate your spouse during discussion implies that domineering spirit is driving you. This may make your spouse to lose interest in discussing with you.

3.      Do you say ‘sorry’ when you offend your spouse? Saying 'sorry' to your spouse when you offend him/her is an indication that you are humble enough to realise that you are wrong. This five-letter word is a 'balm of Eden' that heals the inner wound that your action has caused in your spouse's heart.

4.      Do you always hold to your opinion even when your spouse has a superior opinion? No man is a paradigm of wisdom. Acknowledging and accepting a superior opinion of others is a sign of greatness. We have discovered that it takes the ideas of both husband and wife to reach decisions that can drive a marriage to the realm of prosperity. So don't reject this powerful tool in building your marriage.

5.      Do you postpone settlement of disagreement between you and your spouse? Postponing settlement of disagreement between you and your spouse allows tension to build up in your family. This can cause distress and anarchy that are capable of destroying your marriage.

6.      Do you listen attentively to your spouse when he/she expresses his/her opinion? It is good to be an attentive listener. When you listen to your spouse with a rapt attention, you are assuring him/her that you're interested in his/her opinion.

7.      Do you tell your spouse when he/she offends you? Telling your spouse when he/she offends you relieves you of inner tension that bottling it up could have generated in you. It opens room for dialogue between you for its settlement.

8.      In what manner do you state your grievances when your spouse offends you? When you have anything against your spouse, you should state your mind with humility, love, meekness and soothing words. Don't castigate your spouse.

9.      When you reach a concrete decision with your spouse, do you submit to that decision and relate with your spouse accordingly? If you accept the decision you reach with your spouse as a joint decision and you are convinced that the decision is for the overall welfare of your family, you need to submit to it.

10. When a matter has been resolved, do you always refer to it on other occasions? Referring to past wrongs that had been resolved is a way of opening up the old wound. It means you have not really forgiven your spouse. This will affect your marriage love and the way you relate with your spouse.

11. Do you always insult your spouse’s parents and relations? It is a great sin against God for you to insult your spouse's parents and relations. It will work against your love in your spouse's heart.

12. Do you verbally appreciate your spouse's efforts to keep your marriage going smoothly? Expressing your appreciation of your spouse's action is a tonic that put him/her on to work tirelessly for the progress of your marriage.

Catalyst to a Successful Marriage

Faithfulness of both husband and wife in respect of their marriage vow is fundamental to the growth and stability of marriage. Faithfulness is the foundation of a lasting relationship. It also generates mutual trust that keeps husbands and wives together in spite of the destructive activities of relations, friends and neighbours.

Are you faithful to your spouse? Before you answer, ‘Yes’, check the following areas of your marriage vow.

1. Do you regard your marriage as a life relationship (i.e. ‘till death do you part’)? If you have an option for divorce in case of any difficulty or unresolved conflict, you can be tempted to use this option when the occasions you set for it arise. You need to know that there is no conflict-free and problem-free marriage. Only the couples that manage their conflicts and problems and do not allow them to affect their relationship can enjoy a stable and happy marriage.
2. Do you marry your spouse for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer? Nothing is permanent in this life. The Scripture even confirms that 'there is time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven' (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Marriage is not a bed of roses. There is time of joy or sorrow, time of plenty or lack. You should not allow the changing situations in your marriage to affect your marriage love. You should confront negative situations in your marriage together with patient, prayer and understanding.
3. Do you truly forsake all others and cleave to your spouse? If you allow a third party to meddle with the affairs of your marriage, this will open your marriage to different ideas. These ideas may be conflicting and biased. They can cause problems and conflicts between you and your spouse. Many marriages have broken up as a result of the activities of third parties. Please watch.
4. Do you use all your possessions to honour and care for your spouse? If you do not regard your possessions as being jointly owned by you and your spouse for the mutual benefit of both of you, there will be selfishness and individualism in your marriage. This always works against the principle of oneness in marriage as pronounced by God in Genesis 2:24.
5. Do you fulfil your conjugal obligations to your spouse? Your failure in your conjugal duties to your spouse can push him/her to an extra-marital affair. Once this happens, your marriage may not be the same again.
6. Are you sure you did not hold back certain secrets that could have prevented your spouse from entering into marriage with you? Such secrets are: impotency, having a child before marriage, incurable/terminal disease, drug addiction etc. Keeping such a secret from your spouse is hypocrisy. Discovering the secrets later will destroy the seed of mutual trust that is fundamental to marriage love and growth.
7. Do you share your spouse’s feelings with him/her at all time? Do you accept that you are one with your spouse and you are living in the light of this principle? If your answer is, yes, you will share your spouse's feeling with him/her at all time. Failure to live in the light of this principle is an indication that your marriage lacks the real love that can make it to be blissful.

Importance of Foundation in Marriage

Foundation is a hidden part of a building. It determines the strength and durability of the building. If the foundation is strong, the structure on it will be strong and stable. As no building can stand without a foundation, no marriage can stand without a foundation. As a building with a weak foundation is bound to collapse, a marriage with weak foundation cannot withstand the storms that rise against it. As the occupants of a collapsed building could lose their lives, husband and wife and their children may sustain great losses if their marriage collapses.

The areas you need to check in the foundation of your marriage are:

1.      How did you meet your spouse? If you met your spouse when the issue of marriage was not in your mind, you might not look for the qualities you desire in your future spouse. If you meet your spouse when you are under pressure to marry, you might not mind whoever that comes your way.

2.      What brought you together? If you and your spouse came together out of sentiment or for the purpose of having funs or because of certain attainments, your marriage may not last.

3.      What generated your marriage love? Any marriage love that is generated by unstable mundane things can never last. Such mundane things include: money, beauty, attainments, property, lucrative employment etc.

4.      What are your reasons for marriage? If you married because you wanted children, or because you needed someone who could cook for you or you wanted somebody who could satisfy your financial needs/sexual urge, you may be frustrated when your demand is not met.

5.      What were your predominant activities during courtship? If you have not sought for development of good virtues in your spouse during courtship, you may find it difficult to operate together successfully now you have come together as husband and wife. Courtship is a period to prune the rough edges of each other. If you could not do this because of ‘blind love’, it will be difficult to synchronise during marriage. This will cause a lot of upsets.

6.      What did you give up for your marriage? If you have not given up anything for your marriage, you cannot value your marriage. The value you place on your marriage is determined by the value of what you sacrifice for it. When you do not place much value on your marriage, you may not be committed enough to keep the marriage moving particularly when there is distress.

7.      What was the common goal you set with your spouse before entering into marriage? The goal you set with your spouse before you entered into marriage determines the path of your marriage. A solid and workable goal motivates couples to attain success. If you did not set any goal with your spouse before entering into marriage, you may end up living a purposeless and unfulfilled marital life.

8.      Did you acquire proper knowledge about marriage before you entered into it? As no man can succeed in a profession he is not trained for, whoever does not acquire a proper knowledge on marriage before he enters into it will hardly succeed. You need to acquire knowledge on marriage continuously in your life-time before you can have a successful marriage.

9.      How much did you know about your spouse before you agreed to marry him/her? The primary purpose of courtship is to know your partner so as to determine if he/she is suitable for you as husband or wife. If you entered into marriage before you study the person you married, you have already bargained for failure.

10. Is there any secret about your past life that you hide from your spouse? The unrevealed secrets about your life may cause tension, misunderstanding and conflict in your marriage when the secrets are later discovered by your spouse. This may blow up your marriage. Besides, if any of these secrets is already causing a setback in your marriage, you will be feeling guilty. This will work against your cordial relationship with your spouse.

11. Did you marry your spouse as he/she is? If you married your spouse because of speculative things, you may be frustrated when your dream is not realised.

 

In case your marriage is being affected by any of the above problems, there is still hope if you and your spouse are ready to face the problems squarely, concede to each other and pray fervently. Don’t be afraid to uproot whatever foundational issue that is troubling your marriage and establish the right foundation. It is never late.